Fitzkerpatrick Riley, 19, of Long Island, New York, has once again been brutally rejected and dejected by a female friend after inquiring about possible sexually romantic relations. The tragic event happened last night at around 11:30PM, following the perp Nicole Vrouwt’s lamenting of her boyfriend’s disrespect for her.
dragonslayer1337: well, i’m here for you ^.^
wtfudgeryqueen: thanks man. between my parents getting a divorce and school and now conner calling me a bitch for being so stressed and anxious, i really don’t know where to turn. i just want to make this fuckin work!
dragonslayer1337: yeah.. nicole, i would never do that to you
wtfudgeryqueen: i know, i’m really thankful for my friends, you’ve really stuck by me! thank you so much!
dragonslayer1337: you should leave him, nikki, he’s no good for you. i can’t believe he called you a bitch!!? that’s so sexist and shit. i would never call a woman a bitch
hey umm… ^_^ maybe we should be together instead? LAWL JK ^_^ heh
wtfudgeryqueen: heh
dragonslayer1337: would you want to though?
wtfudgeryqueen: UMMMM… fitz.. :/ sorry but i’mwith conner and i love him. but thank yuo for being my frienddragonslayer1337: whatever you ungrateful bitch byedragonslayer1337 signed off at 11:32:45 PM.
Upon being subjected to this harrowing misfortune, Mr. Riley proceeded to instant message her via his unknown AOL Instant Messenger aliases, calling her a “stupid bitch”, “misleading whore”, and “I can’t believe you made Fitz cry like that. I’m his cousin and he just called me to tell me he was going to hang himself, you should be so ashamed. I think you should give him a second chance. He really loves you.”
This is the third woman Mr. Riley has pursued with the ultimatum of rejection. The first perp denied him harshly and ceased all communications with him. Our Fitzpatrick, trite and true, kept on trucking after his second, who had denied access to her orifices twice. Our hero pretended to remain friends with Second Perp and eventually almost made it, before she woke up and also broke all communications with him.
In line of defense, Fitzpatrick Riley has started an art journal collection of all the vicious women who have incautiously bereaved him of any cuddling. Themes consist of over-bloating, tentacle penetration, and reverse situations of the characters begging him to blow him while he plays Resident Evil 5. He satisfyingly denies.
this was absolutely fucking great.